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| ... six modern
Mummers plays for a contemporary audience ... |
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| It is customary at Christmas time in
some parts of the UK is for a group of men
to perform one or more traditional Old English
short plays in pubs to entertain the drinkers
and usually nowadays to collect for charity.
The group of men are known as Mummers, and
the plays they perform are generally quite
stylised, fairly bawdy in nature, follow
a known pattern and have a standard cast
of characters with some of the men dressed
as women. Many of the scripts date from
at least Victorian times, and often well
before that, having been handed down from
generation to generation.
Whilst John Bartlett is a devotee of the
tradition of Mumming; English Folk Music
and Morris Dancing, he has noticed over
the years that a modern-day pub audience
often has difficulty in understanding the
language used and concepts portrayed in
these old scripts.
Being a playwright, he decided to bring
Mumming bang up-to-date in this collection
of six modern Mummers plays. In doing so
he has kept the traditional elements but
made them more accessible to those used
to soaps and sex. |
| A
few lines from 'Bellender's Last Stand' |
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Policeman
Plod |
'Ello, 'ello, ello.
In comes I Policeman Plod. |
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Jack
the Sniffer |
You'll never catch me
you silly old sod. (He
exits) |
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Betty
Bertha |
He's gone off and scarpered
all hurt and affronted
You've poked your nose in where it's
not wanted. |
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Policeman
Plod |
Madam, I was merely protecting
you from sexual abuse
Don't you know there's a violent killer
on the loose? |
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Betty
Bertha |
Young man, sexual abuse
is my stock in trade
I'm Big Betty Bertha that must be obeyed
Hand jobs, I think, are what I do best
So if you fancy a bit then be my guest. |
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Policeman
Plod |
Certainly not, I must
uphold the letter of the law. |
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Betty
Bertha |
Well how about a session
on the kitchen floor? |
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Policeman
Plod |
A quickie does hold some
attraction and appeal. |
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Betty
Bertha |
That's better, there's
nothing like a grope and a feel! |
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| These two examples give a flavour of the
ribald nature of the plays ... |
| A
few lines from 'It'll Be All Bite On
The Night ' |
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Dracula |
Curses! My blood lust
is only partially curbed
Now I must fly to my earthy bed
And leave her here, not quite dead. |
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Horace |
In comes I, a balding
hero bold
But who is here in the shivering cold
Why it's my own true lovely Nancy
Shall I take advantage and tickle
her fancy?
No! No! No! I am made of sterner
stuff
Well perhaps a peek, would be enough
Good heavens! What is this I spy
With my one and only beady eye
A device to keep away unwanted lickers
Cloves of garlic stuck up her knickers! |
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Nancy |
Oh Horace what are you
doing my sweet
Give me a kiss, you deserve a treat |
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Horace |
Nancy, what's happened
to your teeth? |
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Nancy |
Nothing, but you may need
a wreath |
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Horace |
A wreath my love, whatever
for? |
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Nancy |
Oh Horace, please don't
be a bore
Give me a kiss just one little peck
Come closer you monster, I need your
neck |
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So, if you want to inject a risque, contemporary
feel to your Christmas mumming activities,
then 'In Comes I ...' (Vol 1) is for you.
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| List Of Contents |
| 1) Flint's Squint (or, The Gusset
Gropers Convention) |
| 2) Bellender's Last Stand (or, The
Whitechapel Kipper Sniffer) |
| 3) Major Scarlet's Harlots |
| 4) Bartiswoo Three (or, Devils On
The Job) |
| 5) It'll Be All Bite On The Night
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| 6) Elvis The King (or, The Belly Slappers
Ball) |
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| Code # |
: SM-0164 |
| ISBN |
: 978-1904458838 |
| Size |
: A5 |
| Pages |
: 52 |
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| Other Mumming ... |
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